Ahem ahem.....

Went to Varun's yesterday evening to see him sipping hot coffee. I wondered why the hell was he drinking Hot Coffee (literally fuming). Now, personally I have no objections to a man consuming a drink of his preference. But there were two singular points which particularly struck me as unusual (I've been Reading Sherlock Holmes lately).

The first one being That Why should a person with a BMI which would even give inexperienced pleasures to Obese Sumo wrestlers (Sumo’s are quite corpulent, and when I say Obese sumo wrestlers – Now that’s saying something)- be drinking hot fluids in the middle of summer?

And secondly, what source of inspiration could possibly extol my beloved and most lethargic friend to shed his inhibitions to go into the Kitchen and prepare a cuppa coffee?

But such queries are easily resolved. After investigating the matter in hand, I was informed by the concerned party that it was nobody else but his own mother who had forced upon him to conduct such a despicable act. Not keeping well, she had INSTRUCTED him to prepare for her the hot drink to soothe her ailing throat, and after having prepared the aforesaid for his maternal love – now left for her dispensary – he was consuming the unruly remnants of the same (thus procrastinating the likelihood of his having to prepare something to soothe his ever demanding gastric functions).

After having realized the fact that his mother was ill, a new perspective was drawn upon me. Suddenly I realized that all the people around me were falling ill. First my Prof’s elder son, then my aunt, my cousin and then me. Everyone is down with flu or similar aliments.

It is quite well known that the human race as such is sick, but analogies apart this is getting on literally. My personal opinion is that a certain group of viruses have decided to carry out a mass attack on the residents of Bombay who have of late being enjoying the fruits of capitalism.

Being down with a fever has its own pros and cons. For instance you feel miserable all day and sweat like a hog while simultaneously shivering. How this takes place I’ve never been able to fathom.

Then there are numerous relatives, family members and neighbors who bombard you with numerous suggestions to get well fast and ask you questions like, ‘Are you feeling all right?’ or ‘How did you contract flu?’ I mean how dumb can people be? I’m lying down on my bed like a cadaver; I definitely can’t be fine can I? And if I knew where from people get sick, I’d would most certainly try all I could to avoid all the trouble, wouldn’t I?
Then people ask you to eat all sorts of foodstuffs at a time when even the best Caviar would taste like recycled paper soaked in water, while themselves consuming the best of foods making you feel like an outcast – not that they don’t make me feel like an outcast otherwise.

The good part is that if the word gets around, your friends-who would otherwise be more difficult to meet than the President of India- pay you visits or call you up and try to cheer you. This makes you feel good (condition applicable only if you have pretty female friends-and you are a straight male).

The other benefit is that with nothing else to do, you end up becoming philosophical and write disgustingly long blogs like these.