A Pumpkins Saga

A Pumpkins Saga is a Tale of Pumpkin. His journey through Life, his frustrations, joys and gives the reader a first hand acccount into his unusual way of looking at the world around him. And overall attitude towards the thing that he doesn't give a dammn for

Monday, March 06, 2006

Pleasurable Fountains of Desire

Three days ago I had the unpreceedented pleasure of receiving a call on my cell. The call was made be a rather attractive, dusky, generously endowed female with an innocent face and an even more innocent voice (there being nothing even remotely innocent about her attire or actions).

Pleasurable Fountains of Desire, as she was known in select circles in my Graduate School- AC as my Befrogged fiend used to address her- never ceased to be a topic of controversy amongst all who had ever had the pleasure (and I really mean the P-L-E-A-S-U-R-E) of encountering this female bearing an uncanny resemblance to a playboy centerfold named Diane Something.

PFOD or AC has the potential to walk around naked in a congregation of sex starved men and wonder what the problem is when all these people start getting desperate. As a matter of fact AC would enjoy the attention – and anything extra – that she would get from this bunch of beasts without as much thinking for a moment that the mannerisms exhibited by these loathsome creatures have sexual overtones. She’d rather believe that these people are genuinely interested in having an intellectual discussion with her and that they enjoy her company. The problem here is that AC fails to realize that;

1) She has no intellect and hence any intellectual discussion with her is out of the question.

2) Men want to get into her pants.

In her innocence lies her sex appeal. Whether she is naturally innocent (edging towards stupidity) or she considers it to be a good policy to appear dumb to get good things coming her way is something that we may never know.

AC does not fascinate me at all, but giving my readers an insight into AC would help them appreciate the humor of the conversation that ensued between her an the great Aimless Archer (*AA).

The Telephonic Conversation went as follows:

AC: Hi, is this 982_______?

AA: Yes, may I know who’s calling?

AC: Hey AA, its me A____a.

AA: uuhh A____a? Lets see…

AC: This is AC, from Vaze.

AA: Oh AC from Vaze…. all right. Hi AC how do you do?

AC: I’m doing great, what’s up with you? Are you still studying?

AA: Yeah, I am. (I give her some details about my course work, sure that she would neither comprehend nor appreciate them. I can actually see AC in her

first year in college carrying a bulky GENE VI Book.)

AC: You see AA, I’ve just started a new business venture….

AA: Hey whatever happened to your Aerobics Instructor and Dietician passions? I could have taken some lessons from you.

AC: (Completely inattentive to my remark) … there’s this guy coming ALL THE WAY FROM USA to my place to give a talk on Franchisee outlets and chain retailing.

AA: Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeealy?

AC: He started this thing when he was 22. He’s 28 now and he has several over a Million in his bank account, and is into semi retirement.

AA: (Codswallop! Why the hell would a millionaire who has gone into semi- retirement travel all the way to India especially to AC’s place – no matter what all she’s given in return - to give a talk on Franchises and Chain

marketing to a bunch of kids dumb enough to attend his monologue, who

he’s never had the displeasure of meeting?)

AC: I’ve been calling all my friends today, ‘because I want all of them to benefit out of this. He’s a great speaker and he’s coming ALL THE WAY FROM

AMERICA, just for us.

AA: (Oh Really?)

AC: Try to make it up to my place today evening by 8:30. Pleeeease!

AA: I’d like to make up with you at your place today evening.

AC: Eh.. What did you say?

AA: Nothing, I said I’ll try to be there.

AC: If you have something not so important tonight, please cancel it for me.

AA: I’d do anything for you. (Satirically)

AC: (Giggles) what plans do you have for today evening?

AA: I have an appointment with the ex-Chief Minister of Maharashtra.

AC: Can’t he wait till tomorrow?

AA: I’d ask him (Man I can hardly control myself from cracking open with laughter), but I’m not sure if he’ll agree. He’s a busy man.

AC: He’s lying, if he says he’s busy. He’s no longer the CM, his party is in shambles, why should he be busy?

AA: (I maintain my silence)

AC: Can you get Flat-foot along with you?

AA: Nope! Flat-foot is in Deheradoon as of now. He’s studying Wildlife at the W.I.I.

AC: Isn’t it peculiar that he chooses to travel to Deheradoon at this time of the Year, especially when his exams are so close.

AA: You don’t understand. He’s been there for nearly 9 Months now, and he’s not gone there for a field trip, he studies there. He’s doing his M.Sc. in

Wildlife Conservation Sciences at the Wildlife Institute of India. He’s going

to be there for at least another year and half.

AC: So can he make it next week? I’ll organize a special session for him. (Ooooooh, East-cloud is going to be the honorable recipient of a special one on one session with AC. Lucky Bastard!)

AA: (Frustrated) I’ll call him up and ask him if he can come to Bombay from Deheradoon by 8:30 today evening.

AC: (Does not catch my humor) AA, Please try to make it tonight. (Gives me her Address). I’ll be waiting for you (in a sensuous voice)

AA: (Hard on!)

AC: Bye! See you then.

AA: Ta ta…

I don’t call AC to inform her of my evening schedule. She calls me up in the evening to ask me as erotically as possible whether I would be turning up at her place. I politely refuse saying that something important has turned up. She says that I should not worry (why the hell would I worry), and that she’ll arrange another session especially for me (So much for the semi-retired American tycoon and his all so precious time.)

The moral of this story is that as long as there are dumb and attractive dames, and suckers like us who get perverse pleasure in twisting words out of context to create maliciously misrepresented facts that we’d like to believe in the first place; and as long as there are girls who strongly support the commoditization of women by playing their parts - by displaying their parts- and as long as there is a pub around the corner; LIFE IS GOOD.

So roll on your cigars, drain your cocktails and enjoy. Cheerio!