13 Full Moons past

Conforming to the widely accepted notion of having 12 Full moons in a year – a full moon each month – and considering the fact that to this date, it has been exactly a year since I last blogged; my web log should under normal circumstances be; ‘12 Full Moons past’.

My blog would therefore qualify as an aberration. The aberration being the fact, that I have not been able to post a single piece of literature in the last 12 months. This is very unusual considering that it goes against the grain of my primal nature. Regular readers – if any left - will immediately testify to this fact.

Coming back to the 12 Full Moons / 13 Full Moons discussion; it would not be beyond the realms of possibility to have 13 Full Moons if one were to have two full moons (also known as the quintessentially quoted ‘Blue Moon’) in a month. This last year for me has had many such Blue Moons.

More has passed in this last one year that I can care to remember in a fashion so as to make it feasible for me to put it forth my audience in a coherent manner, while at the same time not compromising on the innate character/ nature of the events that passed by.

Judging by the psychologically induced grammatical inconsistencies one can observe in the preceeding paragraph – it should not be too hard to deduce that the past year has been more of a jumble in my brain.


Time with Sourabh in NY; Christmas with Rege – Melnechuks in Amhest; Tyler, Boston and Sally; Sophia-Katie-Natalia-Jesse; Long late night walks around city park; the orions belt; Baba at KC; a slow and painful march; Jumping out of Airplanes; a very nice Birthday; Aai-Nana-Prathamesh; Lincon-Omaha and Arvind Mama; Aditi and her PhD; CT-MA-NY again; Matt-Micah-Dan-Amanda-Margaret and Little Korin; Pretty Women and Coffee; AXΣ and Slava; Shotgun, Handgun and Rifle; Suma, Suma and more Suma; Bongs and their wrongs; Baba again; Church and State, Fred Phelps and his yelps; Crazy French House Parties; New Friends & Old Friends; Dry Humo(u)r; Salina with all its charm; Durga Puja & Red Necks; Luna and her eclipse; Sourabh-Kadambari-Saumitra-Andy and their matrimonial commitments……

The list goes on, and on. Time passed by very rapidly; and before I knew; what was done was done. I cannot possibly think of any other instance in my life gone by where I can testify for so much having happened in so little a time. Nor can I recollect any other period of time that has lead to so much of a profound change in me than this period has.

Having said so; a new and slightly modified Beta version of ‘The Esquire’ will now endeavor to regularly update his devoted readers of the happenings in his life when he finds himself short of better things to do. Until next time… Tally Ho!



PS: Kapil and Varun - you guys need to update your blogs; Matt – get a life and Gracinia, just in case I haven’t told you lately “You look pretty”.

Sad Cypress

Sad Cypress


Come away, come away, death,
and in sad Cypress let me be laid;
Fly away, fly away breath;
I'm slain by a cruel maid.
My shroud oh white, stuck all with yew
O Prepare it!
My part of death, no one so true
Did share it



- Sir William Shakespeare

The Confessions of a Perplexed Mind

I do not like to be confused. I do not like the feeling of not knowing. I don't like that at all. Sometimes you have all the data that you need - but you somehow lack the abilty to process it.

Sometimes I feel that I do not want to know, I do not want to figure out things the way I usually want to. Is it that I really choose not to figure things out or is it that my emotions cloud my reasoning?

Emotions and feelings for someone are bad - they do not allow you to think clearly. It is my considered opinion - that it is always advisable to think with your mind rather than your heart (a dear friend of mine would probably remark that you do not think from your heart - of late I do not tend to disagree with her that much )

I meet people, different kinds of people; people with diverse backgrounds, diverse opinions, diverse tempraments and diverse tastes - and yet there are only very few amongst them that I find fascinating and enigmatic. People like these make life more interesting. But it is not always good to know an individual too well too fast, or at leat let that person know that you know. For it gets people away from each other. For people shy away from them, who they know share their deepest secrets.

I have a dear friend here at K-State who I find deeply interesting; but yet I have choosen not to know more about her - at least not more than she intends to reveal. Because if I know more about her,I fear that she'll lose her enigma and become an ordinary person in my eyes or maybe it's just because I treasure her friendship a lot more than I treasure her past.

No matter what I say, I have for once chosen not to know. For once I have found the darkness of ignorance more appealing than the comfort of knowledge. I see my curiosity and my eagerness to know more working against my own interests.

Maybe this is what she said was complicated about life when she talked to me over dinner last night. But I shall opt to disagree with her for the hundredth time. If life seems very complicated to me then I must not be looking at it in the right way. There has to be an essential simplicity that has to underline life, and it is obvious to me now that I have yet to achieve that understanding.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Hello Gaiety!

I have just booked my Air Tickets to New York and Boston for this Christmas Break. I belive, this is the only good break that I'm likely to get while my Schooling in Manhattan. Summer time will be spent working in my Lab and with next winter will dawn my time to drop home in India for a few weeks.

Bus this break is all mine. I'm planning to spend time with Sourabh in NY and then celebrate the entire Christmas Season with my Family in Amherst, MA. It is always good to spend time with family. I can't wait for Christmas break to set in.

Occasional student

occasional student

The Ressurection

I feel the need, the urge to pen down my thoughts. Unlike always this time I have so much to see, so much to write and so much to express. And what better a form of expression than typing down my Thoughts in a blog.

The truth is; that there is so much to say that I do not know where from to begin. I've been lazy - that I admit or to put it in a better way- I've been busy most of the time. And when I have not been busy I've been lazy.

But that can not constitute as an excuse for not blogging. I do not blog for anyone but me. So it seems I've to schedule my blogging - in such a way that I can periodically express myself via this medium. The last couple of months have been both exciting, demanding, fascinating and overwhelming. Then there have been moments of confusion, indecision, procastination, guilt and patches where one loses a bit of self-confidence (although these did not last for more than a few hours).

I have met more people here in such a short span of time than I have ever done before - except for when I was born. In a way I look upon my journey to the US as a sort of rebirth. Here I can do things that I have never done before, learn new things, live new ideas and re-examine the old ones. My new birth in the US signifies my personal and intellectual growth.

Although, I don't claim to have achieved much with respect to what I have stated in the last paragraph; it has happened to a number of time that a completely new idea has presented itself to my forcing me to shake my preconcieved notions on things. I believe you can grow, only when you possess the courage to explore - and you can do that only when you have immense self confidence. If you dispossess this quality all growth that you would achieve would be partial and stunted.

I do not claim that one can achieve growth (in the philosohical sense) only by living in a foreign culture - but I can say that it is definitely is helpful to do so. Obviously, the choice to do so is entirely individual. No one comes to the US to achieve philosphical growth. They so so because they feel that they can get a better life in the US than they would in their own country. And it is very true - the only reason that the US is such a great nation is because 'This is the only nation in the world other than your motherland/fatherland where you can get an equitable amount of respect as an individual'. And that is exactly why even the smallest of Colleges in the US represent an amazing spectrum of racial and cultural diversity not found anywhere on this planet.

I can see a lot of Indians around me, in the Summer these are the only people I can see. I have heard that the CIS Dep't has only 3 non Indian Students this year. Thus it is tempting for many Indian students to keep themselves cozy with people from their nationality and live a lifestyle that they have lived in India - completely oblivious of whatever goes around them. When they graduate from School, they have learned absolutely nothing of the American Way of life. All they have leaned is a biased and jaundiced opinion of most Born-Americans. They have an I'm holier than thou attitude which they carry with themselves all throughout their lives - happliy believing that their opinions, their philosophy and their perspectives on life are the most accurate.

They fail to understand that there is more to life than rote curricular learning. They live in the US and they live unhappliy constantly criticizing and belittling others. I do not advocate renouncing your culture and your roots. I only suggest that one re-explore them. And thus understand their utility. Keep the ones that are pertinent, modify the ones that can be modified and discard the ones that do not serve you ony good. Learn to live life in its context. I do not claim to have achieved even a part of what I have mentioned here, and I know that there is so much more to be learned, to be lived. But I sure know how to go about doing what I need to do.

As for the rest, it will follow.

An Extract from 'The Manual' by Epictectus

Art of Letting Go

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's inevitable.

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems. In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick.

So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? Take Responsibility for your Feelings. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.

In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them.
For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were "stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.

But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide; what is the best thing to say or do.

'If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it'