Slimeball (6th-25th Nov)

Just as always a lot of thought processes have gone into the construction of this piece of communication, and undoubtedly, this blog- as all my other blogs have been – will be a magnificent piece of literature, that will be for centuries to come lauded not only by serious students of the wonderful subject that is English Literature, but also by casual readers.

I shall now commence on the crux of the issue that I’d like to discus.

Readers who happen to have an iota of grey matter in their Brain would have by now surely noted that The Great Aimless Archer has no Crux of the matter ever. He Blogs merely to vent out his frustrations in general. I shall therefore safely conclude that either all my readers have remarkable IQs or that they are very kind, sympathetic people to go on reading what; Shakespeare (Tennyson, Brown, Keats, Spencer, Shirley, Pope, Somerset Maugham, Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, Alexander Dumas, Frederick Forsythe etc and/or any of he aforementioned) would have rightly evaluated as An Apology of a Blog.

Varun says that He likes frogs and I sincerely see no justifiable reason why he should not. I like Mutton chops, Fish, lobsters so on and so forth don’t I? But what plagues me the most is that Varun, instead of relishing French Frog legs soaked in wine likes to enjoy the Croaking Company of those blasted slime balls. The worst part being that he prefers Toads and Frogs to us [Homo sapiens – For the less Gullible].

Disclaimer- The author seriously denounces cannibalistic tendencies, and is in no way responsible if any reader by some unfortunate stroke of apathy decides to believe that his compatriot would if properly dressed look better on his dinner plate (or lunch plate whatever the disturbed reader prefers more) than his barbecued steak.

Big Butt was supposed to get back to Bombay from Dooms Valley on the 9^th of December but I was disappointed to be apprised of the fact from the concerned party that the concerned party deems it fit to meet his Amigos ten days later because he deems fit to spend his dispensable time in the presence of creatures with attractive names like Clinotarsus curtipes, Bufo melanostictus, Microhyla ornate, Kaloula taprobanica, Sphaerotheca breviceps, Hydrophylax malabarica and the like.

Blast his over inflated organ (Perverts should carefully note that the reference to the word organ mean the vocal sacs of Frogs and toads that, if I’m correct have a tendency to swell up on certain auspicious occasions). But as a true friend I’ll strive to stick to him harder than a fly sticks to the tongue of our warty friend before it (i.e. - the fly) attains Nirvana and the Warty friend his burp (or croak, whatever sounds right for the occasion).

The reason that I am elucidating these reprehensible characteristics of Varuns amphibian friends is that upon Big Butt’s arrival it will be crucial for us to understand the behavioral traits of these sordid creatures if we are to deal with him in an effective manner.

The idiom that ‘One is known by the company one keeps’, I’m quite sure is undoubtedly not unfamiliar to us. And Varun is I’m quite sure no exception to this rule.

Varun is metamorphosing in to very much the Toad I was afraid he’d become if isolated from the benign company of his fellow patriots. Varun’s bottom licking social skills are of no interest to us as these happen to be non existent. But now I am shocked to see that Varun has lost his correspondence skills (something I’m quite sure he was really good at). He has not communicated with me for the last month or so. Naturally, as a true friend would, I was concerned. But upon head-breaking efforts on my part I finally found an answer to this perplexing riddle.

BIG V is suffering from the Stockholm syndrome. Information sent to me by reliable sources helped me to conclude that whilst Flat Foot was out on a field visits near The Stream of the Slippery Stones he was kidnapped by a bunch of Frogs. The frogs claimed Varun had messed up with their womenfolk (or Frogesses whatever sounds right). V’s stay with these amphibians was accompanied by the consumption of a number of flies and rotten insects. Kudos to V’s adaptability that he changed himself to such an extent in the company of frogs that, the WII rescue team turned up at the fateful spot picked him up assuming that he was a rather well fed toad and not their lost colleague Varun Torsekar.

So great was his deception that the WII authorities realized that the French (bearded) Toad was human only when a Female Toad refused to reciprocate to his advances (Actually the female toad had no doubts about Varun being a Toad, but she refused to entertain him because he was too reticent and unwelcoming for her taste).

Nevertheless, all is well that ends well. Fat ass has been secured and restored to the company of his fellow beings in Deheradoon, and has reportedly being showing human traits. Friends have been asked not to feel bad that he can’t mail or call as yet owing to his webbed appendages. But he’s expected to be quite himself when he lands in Bombay sometime in December.

All of us here are eagerly wait for him to turn up and hope from our heats that he does not order for Maggots in chocolate sauce when we go out to eat together. Cause I’d really hate to serve him Kab’s (K’s metamorphosis into a maggot owing to the constant interaction with flies hovering on idli batter will be discussed later)

For now, enjoy the weather. Cheers!